01/16/2004 Archived Entry: "The Movies of 2K4"

Lists, I like lists. This isn't only a list of movies that I think will rock our worlds but also of movies that I have to see because of what they are. Last year had around 5 comic book (*) based movies. This year has at least 8!

Kill Bill: Vol. 2: Did you see the first one? Well you should have. I can't wait to see what other kind of insane, bloody, and gory shite QT will be putting on screen in the conclusion.

Jersey Girl: Kevin Smith's first post View-Askew movie. Sure it stars J.Lo and B.Fleck but c'mon, Kevin Smith's sense of humour is going to be worth it. I hope.

Hellboy*: A big red demon, a merman, and a girl who can wield fire fight off superpowered nazis and monsters. How can you go wrong? All that and its directed by he who made Blade 2.

The Punisher*: This looks really bad and really cheesy.

Van Helsing: Wolverine vs Frankenstein's monster, Dracula, and the Wolfman. Sort of sounds like LXG + Underworld but its gotta be twice as good as both of those put together because it can't possibly be worse.

Shrek 2: I really liked the first one. Who didn't? I have no idea what the plot to Shrek 2 could possibly be though, how many more fairy tales can they mine?

Troy: The movie I'm looking forward to the most this year. Troy is the story of a telepathic counsillor on a starship full of..no wait. Troy is the story of Achilles, The Trojan Horse, and the siege of the city of Troy. I like historical epics a lot and this promises to be a whole movie resembling the first 20 minutes of Gladiator.

The Day After Tomorrow: The first real disaster movie since 9-11. This movie is going to make destroying large North American cities cool again! Large storms, toppled buildings, and a new ice age all in the first act.

Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban: The first 2 were pretty good just really "sugary" towards the end. They've changed directors now so I think there'll be a few less minutes of sappyness. I'd also like to mention that this is the director who made a movie about 2 guys and a girl who went on a road trip and had a threesome.

The Chronicles of Riddick: Sequel to Pitch Black. Also first of a planned trilogy. The trailer has some really nice gothic imagery and cool looking technology...then Vin Diesel shows up. The guy will make or break this movie because everything else looks rather filling and tasty.

Spider-Man 2*: Spidey VS Doctor Octopus, who looks much cooler than I would have ever thought possible. I don't think the first one stands up to repeat viewings too well but this sequel doesn't have to be bogged down by minutes and minutes of character introduction nor an "Origin Sequence".

King Arthur: A "historical" look at the legend of King Arthur. None of that Merlin, magic, excalibur stuff. More than anything, King Arthur will be known as the movie that made Keira Knightly dress up in tattoos and leather belts. And I mean ONLY tatttoos and leather belts.

I, Robot : Directed by the guy who made Dark City so this movie will at least look cool. I've never read any of the "I, Robot" stuff but they're classic sci-fi. I hope this isn't like Bicentennial Man.

Catwoman* : I happen to think that Halle Berry is one of the most overrated actresses around. She destroyed Storm with "do you know what happens to a toad when it's struck by lightining" so why not give her another superhero to mess up? I also happen to think that making up some other character who isn't Selina Kyle to be Catwoman is a preposterous decision.

Thunderbirds: Based on that funky 80's "marionation" show and directed by Will Riker! I can't really see non Thunderbird fans being interested in this but I think it'll be cool.

The Village : The next movie by M.Night Something. Something about a village, the woods, and the supernatural.

Alien Vs. Predator : I have no hope for this movie. None. I mean, from the very beginning they started calling it "AVP" which is such a bad sign of things to come. Freddy vs Jason was cool, this movie will only TRY to be cool.

Deathlok*: A military cyborg gone rogue. Think Robocop with more of an attitude and guns.

Blade: Trinity*: I liked both previous Blade films and the same writer is involved with this one but he's also making is directing debut so things might get a bit sketchy. The plot has something to do with vampires either taking over the world or already having done so. Its gonna be tasty!

Man-Thing*: Not a porn film. Man-Thing is a swamp monster who lives off of the fear of its victims. Doesn't sound all that fantastic, but you know...its based on a comic.

Constantine*: Keanu Reeves is John Constantine, The Hellblazer. He's an crusty magician who's waging a one man war against both heaven and hell. The comics had lots of sex, violence, swearing, and british humour. The movie will have none of that.

Resident Evil: Apocalypse: This sequel looks like it will stay much closer to the video games with at least Jill Valentine and Nemesis showing up. But its also by the same people who put the ridiculously stupid Red Queen in the first one.

Alexander: Collin Farrel is Alexander The Great. The third "historical epic" of the year!

The Incredibles: Pixar! I don't think these guys can do any wrong. ALL their movies have been fantastic, no one else can say that. AND their making a movie about superheroes.

The Polar Express: 2004 is the year traditional animation dies in North America. Polar Express is the third CG flick and I've heard of no traditional ones. This movie will be known as "the movie that decided to fully render Tom Hanks instead of using the real Tom Hanks"

Mortal Kombat: Domination: I can't really believe that they're making a third one, but they are. Will this be as entertaining as the first one or set back our society by a thousand years like the second one? Maybe they think that no matter how bad the movie is the theme song will save it. Definately falls in the "have to see it because of what it is" category.

Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow: Who cares what the plot is or who the stars are in this movie! This is all going to be about STYLE. This movie is an homage to classic 30's pulp sci-fi, think Flash Gordon and live action "Iron Gian". Did you see the cool visuals in the trailer? And the giant flying robot army? And the fricken Ornithopters? OMG!!

Replies: 32 comments

Such a great post :)
Of that list, I think I'm most excited for:

-Kill Bill: Vol. 2
-Spider-Man 2 (Just seeing him swinging around NYC is good enough)

and

-MORTAL K0\/b@t baby11!!!! :)

Posted by Dave @ 01/16/2004 01:03 PM EST

Troy, Sky Captain, and Spidey 2.

Posted by Rayne @ 01/16/2004 01:07 PM EST

I'm most excited for Harry Potter and The Prisoner Of Azkaban. But then again I'm a huge HP fan! Not only is there a new director but a new actor playing Albus Dumbldore. This was my favorite book out of all of them so I have high hopes for the movie. Other than that I want to see Jersey Girl (Kevin Smith is great!), The Incredibles (Pixar Rocks!), Van Helsing (Hugh Jackman *sigh*) and Shrek 2 (first one was pretty funny). I will most likely see The Chronicles of Riddick because one of the ladies in my dance calss did all the costumes for it.
Now, to be fair about Halle Berry. That was a horrid, horrid line. There was no way she could have made that sound good. The writers put it in there and she really had no choice but to say it.

Posted by Andrea @ 01/16/2004 02:01 PM EST

No one wants to see TROY?!?!?! or King Aruthur???!!!?? or Alexander??!???? wtf is wrong with you people? You're all idiots!!! =P

Posted by Anonymous @ 01/16/2004 02:48 PM EST

The writers said in an interview that the toad-line was supposed to be said really flippantly not in the serious way she did it.

Posted by Rayne @ 01/18/2004 04:43 PM EST

I guess they liked it enough to not make her do it again and to keep it in the movie though.

Posted by Andrea @ 01/18/2004 07:41 PM EST

yes Thai, such a good post!

Arthur: please be good. 'First Knight' may have been low budget and featured Arthur put to rest in a traditional Saxon burial, but Sean Connery is my daddy (and your daddy too, if you don't know it), the lines were great, and it was a tease for Arthurian Mythology. More can be done with this story.

Farrel seems questionable as Alexander the Great. I guess conquering the entire known world is irreverent, but Farrel seems still more irreverent, somehow. I will never believe in my heart of hearts that Collin Farrel was taught by Aristotle. Farrel vexes me. I am terribly vexed.

'Promises to be a whole movie resembling the first 20 minutes of Gladiator'? Troy? Really? Didn't they switch-cast Pitt and Bloom in this movie? I thought Brad was the most beautiful man in the world? What about 'the face that sailed a thousand ships?' She'd better be hot.

Back to Arthur. I GUESS Kiera can play Guineviere.

As a pop-computer-game enthusiast, I would submit that Pixar and Blizzard are the same company. NOTE: they also have words near the end of the alphabet in the middle of their names.

Posted by JW @ 01/18/2004 11:06 PM EST

Though I am loathe to admit it, I suppose I could possibly think about considering that Halle Berry wasn't TOTALLY reponsible for that line. Maybe.

I can't see Orlando Bloom weilding shield and sword, he seems to fragile for it. I CAN see him weilding bow and arrow though, strange as that might seem.

The woman playing Helen of Troy doesn't seem all that hot to me. I would send one ship after her, as a token. Maybe two.

Posted by Rayne @ 01/19/2004 01:28 AM EST

Orlando can come and rescuse me anyday! As long as he's dressed as Legolas! Damn is he hot in that outfit! :D

Posted by Andrea @ 01/19/2004 03:26 AM EST

rayne ... i'm rather sad that the karate dog isn't on your list .. that one's bound to be a winner

i'm just waiting for hp ... the third was my favourite book too ... and it's the last book in the series that is of a manageable size for one movie (they're talking about splitting the fourth book into two movies) ... apparently cuaron is going to explore the growing hormones and sexual tensions and whatnot .. very exciting! aside from doing y tu, maman tambien (the aforementioned movie exploring menage-a-trois) he also did the little princess a few years back ... and he did that one quite well.. so i know he can do children's books .. yay!

and i'm actually looking forward to the alexanders ... they're doing .. 3 of them i believe ... each with a different cast and different director .. so i think it will be quite interesting ... farrell's got the earlier part of the life of alexander ... so hopefully he doesn't mess it up too bad ... and i hope it's not all hollywood epic-y like .. but we know it will be *sigh* ... but still, there's nothing like a good ol' story about ancient rome

Posted by melpie @ 01/19/2004 09:44 AM EST

and one more thing about orlando .. i think he'll play paris very well ... doesn't he look like the woman stealing type?

Posted by melpie @ 01/19/2004 09:47 AM EST

WTH?! How are they making Selina Kyle NOT Catwoman? THAT's how it GOES. THAT is the story!

Posted by Romer @ 01/19/2004 09:54 AM EST

BTW, that "Last 14" list of most recent comments on the side there *points* makes me think of people voting in the US.

'Vote with Romer on bill 290!'

Posted by Romer @ 01/19/2004 10:01 AM EST

THREE Alexanders? I only heard of two, the other with DiCarprio and Baz Lurhman. Who's doing the third one?

Posted by Rayne @ 01/19/2004 10:41 AM EST

well .. originally i heard it was supposed to be three ... one in each year

and i think the directors were stone (doing the first), lurhman and scorcese ...

i forget who the other alexander is supposed to be ... i was thinking val kilmer ... but it's not him ... b/c he's alexander's daddy in the first one ... i don't know if they cut the third one or not ... i can't find info on it anymore

nicole was supposed to be in lurhman's i believe ... which would be exciting!

Posted by melpie @ 01/19/2004 12:01 PM EST

All of these posts...and no mention of The Village by M. Night Shyamalan. I loved all of his movies and I doubt this one will disappoint. Eagerly awaiting Troy as well!

Posted by dAN @ 01/19/2004 06:53 PM EST

dAn:

The Village : The next movie by M.Night Something. Something about a village, the woods, and the supernatural.

He did mention it :P

Posted by Dave @ 01/19/2004 08:39 PM EST

I forgot to mention The Village! How silly of me. I've enjoyed most of M. Knight Shyamalan's movies so I'm looking forward to it too!

Posted by Andrea @ 01/19/2004 09:14 PM EST

Dave:

I know Thai mentioned it...but no one mentioned it in the replies...;)

Posted by dAN @ 01/19/2004 10:21 PM EST

You failed to mention Agent Codey Banks 2: Destination London...if you're gonna mention blockbuster flicks, you can't forget about this one.

Posted by Doug @ 01/20/2004 12:24 PM EST

God help us all if anyone goes to see that movie.

Posted by Mike @ 01/20/2004 03:34 PM EST

I plan on getting in line early for it. Will camp out at the theatre starting tomorrow.

Posted by Doug @ 01/20/2004 04:03 PM EST

We've pitched a tent up for you Thai...all of Ottawa is in on the Agent Cody Banks frenzy.

Posted by dAN @ 01/20/2004 08:40 PM EST

It's gonna be a busy movie year for ya, Thai!

Posted by Laura Ann @ 01/20/2004 11:03 PM EST

When's ACB ( =D ) coming out anyways?

Posted by Rayne @ 01/20/2004 11:16 PM EST

Maybe Pixar's film about superheroes will be their first crapy one.

Posted by Étienne @ 01/22/2004 01:49 PM EST

Ah, i also wanted to say thanks, Thai, i was just asking myself what we could hope for 2004 in terms of movies when i saw your post.

It's so sad not having another Lord of the Ring to wait for, but i'm very interested in Kill Bill vol. 2 and Resident Evil 2. The first RE was so disappointing, i'd love to see a film exactly like the games : a character alone with his thoughts and fears during most of the movie, with a silent and scary mood and an unfolding intrigue.

I'm ready to give a chance to Mortal Kombat 3, too, lol. One of those movies you go and see because you wanna see a movie and there's nothing better.

Posted by Étienne @ 01/22/2004 02:00 PM EST

so many comments to make here! first, to start it off...

the offspring rules!
race against myself

spider-man 2: you said the same thing about having been done with the origin stuff when comparing x-men and x-men 2

i'm going to miss traditional animation :( guess i'll just have to watch more anime

you forgot to mention the lost skeleton of cadavra! www.lostskeleton.com

wow, i guess i had less specific comments than i thought. oh well :)

Posted by shawnathan @ 01/29/2004 12:33 AM EST

and I was right, X-Men 2 was ten times better than X-Men 1.

That skeleton movies looks alright, the poster's cool

Posted by Rayne @ 01/29/2004 03:49 PM EST

Ya missed Starship Troopers 2

Posted by dAN @ 02/12/2004 07:49 AM EST

Isn't that going direct-to-video?

I'm sure there're a lot of movies I "missed", I can't know EVERYTHING.

Posted by Rayne @ 02/12/2004 12:11 PM EST

I'm pretty sure you covered everything big enough to be worth mentioning here. I think it's pretty sad how very few new ideas are among those blockbusters. They're all readaptions and sequels. Argh. I huess i'll just have to watch more animes.

I'd like to see a movie on William Hung's life.

Posted by Étienne @ 02/12/2004 12:23 PM EST