The Long Road

04/19/2004 Archived Entry: "Pre-marital Sex"

It isn't something I require, or even expect, out of relationships, I treat it more like a "bonus" (if it's there good, if not, I can live without it), or a good way of solidifying a blossomed romance, and also good exercise.

Rightly or wrongly, I've come to just assume that anyone my age who's either dated a lot or has had some long term relationships has had sex. The only exceptions are people who are very religious or close to their mothers (I am not making this up). However, I do know quite a few people my age who've never done it, but it is usually more circumstantial than by choice.

But honestly folks, there isn't a good reason to abstain. STDs and Pregnancies are pretty much avoidable if you're smart about it.

And as for that whole emotional side of things; sex always seems like it's a big deal but I think that's only true to those who've never experienced it, it's just something pleasureable to share with someone you care about (sometimes not even that), like tennis. Seriously, the 19th time's just as special as the first and usually a lot better.

But that may be more of a male view since we've got nothing to actually "lose". Then again, once it's gone you're free to keep playing!

Replies: 22 comments

lol, where did this come from?

Posted by Hyperion @ 04/19/2004 07:38 PM EST

I believe her name is Erin :p

Posted by Mike @ 04/19/2004 08:10 PM EST

Interesting, Rayne... I never want to hear about your sex life again :P

Posted by Hyperion @ 04/19/2004 10:23 PM EST

Good one Mike!!!!...:P!!!

Posted by dAN @ 04/19/2004 10:48 PM EST

What? Why does this entry require some kind of contextual placement when we've all happily read my other ramblings without question?

Maybe I was just randomly thinking about this thing today.

Posted by Rayne @ 04/20/2004 02:05 AM EST

Yahuh, how is Erin anyways?

Posted by Hyperion @ 04/20/2004 05:51 AM EST

your other ramblings often spout from obvious inspiration ... we just don't feel the need to comment on it. :D

Posted by melpie @ 04/20/2004 09:23 AM EST

In an attempt to get this back on topic...

One of my friends and I were discussing this issue last night and it came up that these 2 couples we know, of 3 and 5 years, have not moved to or from "petting". I don't know about the rest of you, but I couldn't deal with that.

Posted by Rayne @ 04/20/2004 12:43 PM EST

for 3 years and they haven't moved TO "petting" ... what do they ... do? although, i guess everyone has those parts of a relatioship that are most important to them ... and sometimes the physical isn't at the top of the list ...

but still ...

Posted by melpie @ 04/20/2004 02:46 PM EST

Perhaps one couple skipped "petting"?

Posted by Hyperion @ 04/20/2004 03:26 PM EST

They haven't skipped anything, mostly stalled at making out. It's the girl's fault, of course =D

Posted by Rayne @ 04/20/2004 03:35 PM EST

Of course

Posted by Hyperion @ 04/20/2004 03:37 PM EST

the word "fault" leaves me a tad uneasy ...

it's the girl's values perhaps ... not fault

Posted by melpie @ 04/21/2004 09:50 AM EST

Perhaps "responsibility" would be better. Either way you slice it, it's always the woman who ends up pregnant, not the man. And though he may be there to support her whatever may happen, it won't be him that has to directly deal with either the day after pill, the abortion, the birth & adoption or the birth and raising of said kid.

I can't say I care much for taking hormones (ie "the pill"), and condoms aren't 100% effective .. damned straight the girl has a right to stall, regardless of the reasons.

Posted by Arshwana @ 04/21/2004 01:59 PM EST

But stalling at petting? sucks...

Anyways, I've read that condoms are 100% effective if used properly. IE: putting it on and taking it off correctly (often done INcorrecly), and not using expired ones. But I guess you can also have manufacturing defects.

Posted by Rayne @ 04/21/2004 04:06 PM EST

Nothing is 100%, even if it's used properly. The Pill is almost that way if it's used 100% properly, but even it's not perfect. Depo-provera shots, which last for 3 months and which you can't forget or throw up, still aren't perfect.

That being said, while I sort of understand where people who don't like taking hormones are coming from (sXe), the Pill is basically perfect. That is, once you get the right one. Few to no negative side effects, almost perfect reliability; it's the greatest invention of the past century, bar none. These days you would be hard-pressed to find a woman our age who isn't on the pill.

Posted by Joe @ 04/21/2004 10:01 PM EST

Scratch that. Total abstinence is perfect. It's also totally unrealistic.

Posted by Joe @ 04/21/2004 10:02 PM EST

but mel, the girl chooses to have those values, therefore it's still her fault :p

Posted by Mike @ 04/22/2004 01:01 AM EST

but fault means that there's something wrong with her for choosing those values ... there is a certain amount of respect i have for those who have such willpower

i might not understand the values ... but i admire one's abilities to stick to one's own values

Posted by melpie @ 04/22/2004 09:34 AM EST

I don't see how abstinence is unrealistic, it's certainly unpleasureable. I know plenty of people who've willingly subjugated themselves to it.

Posted by Rayne @ 04/22/2004 02:03 PM EST

On abstinence being unrealistic: There was a study (although I cannot find it any more) where a large (majority?) proportion of people who used abstinence as their "prevention" method ended up caving and did it anyways.

On a tangent: The study also found that because these people thought they were never going to have sex, they didn't bother learning about safe sex in the first place, and so were more likely to engage in unprotected sex.

Posted by Ian @ 04/22/2004 03:12 PM EST

..which is why they should teach sex ed no matter the religious beliefs in the school?.. :P

Posted by Arshwana @ 04/23/2004 11:18 AM EST