The Long Road

04/21/2004 Archived Entry: "Commit"

There are two rules I try to live by when dealing with my friends.

First, if someone asks me if I want to do something with them, I will say yes unless I've got either a good excuse or something else already planned. I am pretty much always up for anything, even if it's something that I don't particularly enjoy, as long as the company is good. I cannot stand it when I try to make plans with people and all I get is "hmm..we'll see, I'll tell you in a couple of days" with no further explanation. Which to me is "I'll commit if I don't get a better offer by then", they're basically waiting for someone higher up on their ladder to suggest something or waiting for something more "fun", and that is frankly quite insulting. You generally need a few people to commit for some others to and all this "hmmm"-ing and "aaaah"-ing leads to a ridiculous circle of indecision. I realize that friends depend on each other's commitments for plans work out, that's why I always try to give solid yesses or nos, and nos come with good reasons.

Secondly, if I commit to doing something with someone, I go through with it. I hate it when plans fall through so I try very hard to not be the cause of anyone else's plans not working out. Even if something more fun and more interesting comes up later on, I wouldn't back out of something I've committed to. Of course, if Keira were to appear at my front step, consider yourselves ditched.

Replies: 18 comments

I don't know about your particular case, but when I personally say "I'll know in a day," it's because I may have already made plans with someone, and I need to check.

I am normally committed to anything I have planned in advance. I often plan the meeting points and have back-up plans, if possible. However, I don't think many people are like that. It's like some people don't give it a thought. In the end, everyone calls me anal about my plans, unwilling to change anything. Whatever.

I do agree that there are certain things that warrant ditching, though.

Posted by ian @ 04/21/2004 01:46 PM EST

*shrug* regarding your first rule.. I have to admit I "hmm and haw" quite a bit, especially when it comes to wanting to see many people on a given weekend, but not having everyone's availability yet. I try to optimize the going-out and people-seeing, which often starts off with "I don't know yet, I'll let you know when I do."

I'd say most people are decent enough in their commitments, although I remember often ditching my high school friends (that I saw every day) to see my boyfriend (who lived an hour away and who I did not see often).

Doncha just hate ladders.

Posted by Arshwana @ 04/21/2004 02:03 PM EST

I work on a first come, first serve basis. (fifo order?). But yeah, if there are already tentative plans I'll do the "I'm not sure yet" BUT I try to be specific about what's going on so the other person's not wandering if I'll consulting some magic dice to see if I'll be available.

Posted by Rayne @ 04/21/2004 04:09 PM EST

I admit, I can get into the lazy trend you depicted in your first rule Thai. You've probably experienced it first-hand. BUT, to my defense, I shall rebuttle with rule #2. Although you are very commital to established plans, your concept of time can offset them alone. Stop using Pacific Std. time...:P!!!

Posted by dAN @ 04/21/2004 06:58 PM EST

Sticking to your word is one thing, so is being on time for the committments you make. It means making sure you wake up on time so your friends (that you RARELY see) aren't sitting in a restaurant hungry and wondering why you are still in the shower when they call your house. Just a hypothetical situation of course...:P You know I adore you but I would have to agree with Dan on the time zone thing ... but then again I'm used to your constant tardiness now so it's all good, I blame myself for not figuring it out sooner.

Posted by Ting @ 04/21/2004 09:03 PM EST

Wait, wait, here's a guy complaining about keeping commitments when he's chronically late (by non-negligible lengths of time, it sounds like)?
..pot calling kettle black perhaps?

Isn't being late to break a commitment, somewhat?

Posted by Arshwana @ 04/22/2004 09:39 AM EST

I blame the whole Pacific Std time thing on Hyperion and Banrion!

I knew someone would bring up my tardy-ness. Tis well tread territory. Anyways, I think it's a very different thing between being late and being completely absent. I TRY to be there on time and make plans around whatever's planned but you know, Of Mice and Men; so it's not really for lack of effort.

Posted by Rayne @ 04/22/2004 02:11 PM EST

when thai says he'll be somewhere at a certain time, he really means he'll realize he has to be there then, and proceed to shower and eat (usually taking around an hour) before actually leaving to go to where he's supposed to be.

i like to work on a non-commital basis. i sometimes wait until the minute before people are leaving to commit to going/not going. a last minute decision usually means i won't be going.

a lot depends on my mood. sometimes i just don't feel like doing things, and since i can't forsee this coming, i don't like to commit in case i don't feel like doing it when it coming time to go.

Posted by shawnathan @ 04/22/2004 03:25 PM EST

I agree that being absent and being late are two entirely different things.. doesn't mean they don't both piss people off.

Posted by Arshwana @ 04/23/2004 11:14 AM EST

"pot calling kettle black"

I always thought it was "pot calling kettle BACK" and it never made sense. I've seen it written that way so many times.

Posted by Rayne @ 04/23/2004 05:02 PM EST

Well, even nowadays it doesn't make much sense -- our pots nor our kettles are black, but way back when they actually hung over a fire...

Posted by Arshwana @ 04/24/2004 05:20 PM EST

But I can at least tell where the expression comes from with "black".

Posted by Rayne @ 04/26/2004 02:01 PM EST

"I blame the whole Pacific Std time thing on Hyperion and Banrion!"

Bastard

Posted by Hyperion @ 04/26/2004 04:43 PM EST

If Rayne works on PST, why not give him his times in PST? That way everything works out fine. I have had to, on occasion, tell certain chronically late people a different time. It hasn’t backfired on me yet…

Posted by Hyperion @ 04/26/2004 04:49 PM EST

Using PST on Thai? Hmm, I've thought of it. But he does show flashes of punctuality, so it may be problematic...;)!

Posted by dAN @ 04/26/2004 05:14 PM EST

..but then he gets what he deserves.
I have friends that are the same..

Posted by Arshwana @ 04/26/2004 05:24 PM EST

All this scheming, RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME!

Posted by Rayne @ 04/26/2004 05:52 PM EST

Well, that way, you can't say you didn't see it coming. Or something.

Posted by Arshwana @ 04/28/2004 07:41 AM EST