02/20/2005 Archived Entry: "Badboys"
Stockholm syndrome, if I remember correctly, is when a kidnapee falls in love with (or relates strongly to) a kidnapper. It's a psychological defense mechanism wherein small acts of kindness are magnified against the situation and objective perception of the captor is distorted.
This is somewhat similar to the whole girls-love-badboys thing. Because it "means so much more when they're nice". Which just means that they get too used to regular niceness and take it for granted.
This post is prompted by the latest issue of Flash where Flash tells Batman: "Tell Tim what you told Dick the day he left to join the Titans. In all these years, you only said it once. But it meant more to him than anything else in his entire life." A bit of context - Batman is a hardass; he's cold, calculating, and distant to everyone. He's also compassionate yet never show it. Tim (Robin 3) and Dick (Robin 1) look up to him immensely but feel like they're always kept at arm's length. So when Batman says or does something nice towards them, it means a lot. They remember and cherish those moments.
So the point is that I think we all - boys and girls - fall for it when someone is rarely nice to us. The rarity of it makes it special. Not that we go out looking for these strange relationships but we are susceptible to distorted perceptions, however temporary, of people we wouldn't normally feel a certain way for.
I think we can all (I can, at least =P ) think of instances where we thought someone didn't care about us or even knew we existed only to find out differently; when that happens, our perception of them changes and if they manage to remind us once in a while that they care, we get strung along from moment to moment, not really caring that there's nothing in between. Just think, how much do you notice when someone says "hi" to you everyday VS someone you thought didn't know you saying "hi". Same principle.
What's the lesson in all of this? Be an ass to everyone but make sure to be nice to 'em once in a while. They'll love you for it.
Replies: 8 comments
Eeexcellent.
Posted by Arshwana @ 02/20/2005 09:23 AM EST
ok, so this explains "everything" .. but it leaves me with a question - can we train ourselves to recognize when we're being jerked around and to not like the person for doing this to us? or will we forever be destined to cling to the relative niceness of the bad boys?
Posted by melpie @ 02/21/2005 11:36 AM EST
Awsome post dude. Does "Bad Boy" niceness fall into the same "nice guys finish last" category...or is that just rhetoric?
Posted by Doug @ 02/21/2005 01:43 PM EST
LOL, this was so good.. it's SO GOOD
Posted by Dave @ 02/21/2005 02:00 PM EST
I think we can train ourselves to recognize when this is happening; but it would be harder to train to change our feelings about it, but not as hard to learn how to act on those feelings.
heheh
Nice guys don't finish last...they're "running a different race". Actually, ask dAN..he can tell you more about how being evil has helped him.... =P
Posted by Rayne @ 02/21/2005 02:49 PM EST
LOL!!!...its funny how you threw me into the mix...SHH...but you know, its one thing to be "evil" and another to pull off the same thing with someone you REALLY care about.
Posted by dAN @ 02/21/2005 03:07 PM EST
puh-leaze, your evil knows no bounds.
Posted by Rayne @ 02/21/2005 05:35 PM EST
So, can a "bad boy" change? I was just hurt by one. His behavior was so confusing, I wondered if he was messed up to the point that he is unable to have a real relationship with anyone. I have a lot of pain from knowing him; I could use some help working through it. I'm having a hard time letting go. I tend to be a caretaker and have had relationships with men who have needed taking care of, but this was different in many ways. He outright told me that he was a "badboy" and kinda laughed about it. But, when I said something about it later on, he acted like it had been meant as a joke and I shouldn't have believed him.
Posted by Lori @ 08/17/2005 03:16 PM EST