07/19/2005 Archived Entry: "It's all about context"

How you feel about and react to someone depends on the social context. Specifically, a friend of mine recently mentioned that whenever he goes out to dinner with a certain girl it always feels like a date. The problem is though if you don't call it a date in the first place, you're not getting anywhere. Being on an official date versus just hanging out puts you in a different frame of mind completely. Everything you do gets evaluated by the other person into pros and cons.

It's like when you're dating someone and everything they do is cute, or adorable, or goddamn sexy but as soon as the fantasy is over the context changes and the other person's neat little quirks just aren't as appealing anymore.

So the point is that if you want dinner to BE a date, you have to tell the other person that! Not only does it make your intentions clear but it also opens up their mind to possibilities that they might not have considered otherwise.

Replies: 5 comments

But if the guy doesn't call it a date, he won't have to pay (or at least feel obliged to)...:P!!!

Although what you state in your post is true, it only takes the guy's perspective into account. Calling it a date helps the guy get the girl into his frame of mind; we need to connect the dots for them...;). Whereas a guy can get into any frame of mind regardless of context, as long as he finds the girl attractive.

Posted by dAN @ 07/19/2005 12:59 PM EST

I think pretending that it is not a date is fine too. You can end up actually getting somewhere after a while if your relation grows that way by itself.

I personnally dislike "official" dates very much, precisely because of the points you mentioned (everything you do gets evaluated by the other person into pros and cons).

Posted by Étienne @ 07/19/2005 04:19 PM EST

Hmm...pretending its not a date can get you the big FRIEND stamp...centered on the forehead for everyone to see...which doesn't come off too easily with commercially available products.

Posted by dAN @ 07/19/2005 07:04 PM EST

I'm on the semi-firm opinion that it's better if they know. Waiting around to get noticed is going to be a big waste of time. Like dAN said, it'll just lead you to becoming a friend (ie: the worse kind of relationship to have with a girl!!! =P )

Posted by Rayne @ 07/20/2005 12:18 AM EST

it's definitely necessary to define a date as such. the oblivious party may not wish to be leading the "wanting to date" party on. why waste the person wanting to date's time? officialize it as a date and see what happens. then you can go for there. hanging out is cool and all ... but it's not going to go anywhere until someone makes a move.

Posted by melpie @ 08/04/2005 05:28 PM EST