The Long Road

09/17/2005 Archived Entry: "Nintendogs"

So this Mario guy, everybody thinks he's so wholesome and wonderful, but they're just specieists. Just because we're not humans doesn't mean our lives aren't important too, you know; but no, humans are such self-centered chauvanists. Sorry...maybe that was out of line; I'm just really shook up from the last few days, I think everyone is. I mean, Len and I were just walking around trying to figure our way out of that hole we fell into between these two pipes and then the guy, Mario, he comes out of nowhere and stands on one of the pipe and he starts blasting fire balls! Motherfucking fireballs! Not just one or two, but like 100 over 60 seconds. We're just turtles, man; we couldn't do anything..totally helpless and he's just blasting away at us from above.

Anyways, I was lucky, really lucky; all I lost was a hind leg , but Len...the guy totally fried Len. There wasn't even enough of him left for his family to identify. Len, my buddy of 57 years, who loves nothing more than wading in a warm, shallow pool of water at sunrise, he was nothing but a pile of ashes by the end of that nightmare. We're mostly a kingdom of benevolent turtles and mushrooms, right? But Mario, this guy who can fly and throw fireballs, he just didn't care. He swept through our entire world and killed all of us he could find; kids, wives, whatever, it was all just target practice, most of us were just going on with our daily lives. We had nothing to do with Princess Peach's kidnapping. He could fly for fuck's sake! Why didn't he just do straight to the Castle?

Instead he chose to systematically wipe out everyone and anyone he could find, and it just didn't phase him because we're not humans. What gets me, what really makes me angry, is that he's hailed as some kind of hero over at the Mushroom Kingdom. Here's a guy who not only went after King Koopa but decided to wipe out all his children while he was at it too. You should have seen the queen when she got back. Totally devastated, she's been in counselling, but it doesn't look good. Rumour has it that she's pretty much gone insane. Which is understandable, I mean, her husband and her seven kids, gone. Jesus, all seven kids. I can't even begin to imagine what that's like. And the guy who did it is considered a hero? and wholesome? There's just no fucking justice in this world.

Replies: 3 comments

mario is an asshole yo'z :P

Posted by Dave @ 09/17/2005 02:41 PM EST

LOL you got spammed!

Posted by Dave @ 09/19/2005 02:56 PM EST

freggin spammers. so uncool.

Posted by Rayne @ 09/21/2005 02:55 PM EST