12/06/2005 Archived Entry: "Collaborative Stories"

I’ve been wanting to try this for a long time, hopefully people choose to participate! Basically, I write the beginning of a story and everyone gets a chance to write the following chapters (in the comments section). The story ends when it goes off the front page (which means after I post 14 entries [roughly 1 month]).

Story begins after the link.

It was a dark and stormy night. At least that’s what weather.com was saying about Tokyo where my wife was staying. Here in Ottawa, it was a bright and sunny day. The birds were singing, the air was breezing, and the people were bustling. It was the kind of day that Terry despised the most. He wasn’t around to witness this day, however; he died 2 nights before in his sleep at the age of 87.

I had known Terry for a majority of our lives. He was a quiet and harmless man who loved kids but could not stand people; I knew his existence as being very low key, private, and mostly limited to the Ottawa Valley. Imagine my surprise when his funeral was attended by a large number of people, most of whom I had never met or even heard of. The stories they were sharing amongst each other were more outlandish than anything I ever thought possible. Tales of adventure in other countries, wild times as late as two years ago, a love of sports I never knew existed. These were not stories I would associate with the Terry who’s funeral I had came for.

By the time I had left, I wondered if I had gone to the right funeral home. I did not get very far with these thoughts. As I crossed the street to my vehicle, a car cut me off as it landed right in front of me. The hatch opened and I heard a familiar voice “come in”, it said.

Replies: 22 comments

my breath caught in my lungs. my first instinct was to run. it couldn't be her. she couldn't be here, on this street, in front of me - not when i had spent so many days recovering from her manipulative games. not when i could finally listen the cello without breaking into tears. not when i could finally catch a wiff of chanel no. 5 without feeling weak in the knees. not when i could finally live my life again. not when i had said my wedding vows just weeks ago. not now.

i knew i should turn my back right then, that it was a trap. but, how could i ignore those soft, sultry voice?

exhaling, i took a step forward and peered in.

"why, hello, vivian"

Posted by melpie @ 12/07/2005 12:02 AM EST

Vivian and I had quite the history.

She was the daughter of a billionaire oil tycoon, and I was the chinese food delivery man who somehow found his way into her cold and twisted heart.

Long story short, our divorce papers were finalized years ago, and I've just re-married.

Perhaps this encounter is fate, or perhaps she just wants some cream of sum young guy...

Posted by Dave @ 12/07/2005 05:23 AM EST

"--Sum Yung Guy! Cream of Sum Yung Guy for sale!" bellowed the japanese man.

"Ugh. Cheap chinese take-out is everywhere these days" Mirvana thought to herself.

It was pouring rain, and everything smelled of raw fish.

Mirvana sighed, thinking about how nothing could possibly be worse than missing the dropoff with the double-agent. She'd hear about it later from The Boss.

"BZZT-- Mirv, Mirv?" buzzed the earpiece in her ear.

"What?" Mirvana whispered.

"We got some good news, and we got some bad news." came the reply.

"Shoot."

"Good news is, the bait worked, our men have identified the vehicle... it's Vivian Zathura's alright."

"..and the bad news?"

"Your husband entered the vehicle."

Posted by Dave @ 12/08/2005 01:53 AM EST

"Hello Jack"

"What do you want Vivian?"

"Direct as always, I've always liked that about you."

"Vivian."

"I'll get to the point. Your wife is a monster"

"Excuse me? It's not her that I walked in on while she had sex with the neighbour, the mailman, and our daughter's astrophysics professor all at once."

"That's not what I meant. She's an alien shapeshifter spying on our planet for a planned invasion."

"You are out of your mind."

"No. I have evidence, our government has been tracking these aliens for months."

"God, lets say I even believed you, why would aliens come all the way here just to invade us?"

"They're hungry."

Posted by Rayne @ 12/08/2005 11:30 AM EST

The writer leaned back in his chair and started chewing on his pencil. Just several moments ago his mind was bathing in creativity, yet that was clearly not translating to his page. He crumpled his page in disgust and flung it over his right shoulder. It was the worst piece of work he had ever written. He looked up at his ceiling and started pondering about what to write next. He needed something original, something creative, something believable...something with more depth to allow his story to flow in multiple directions.

He lurched forward, inspired once again. He gripped the pencil in his left hand and resumed anew, "Once upon a time...". And with that he thought to himself, "this is going to be really good", as a smile decorated his face.

Posted by dAN @ 12/10/2005 02:26 PM EST

It was late in the evening. Jerrica walked into the room as quietly as possible; she did not want to disturb Keith. She was dressed in her silk nightgown and her long brown hair was tied in a towel from her shower.

"Hello Princess", greeted Keith as he noticed her shadow on the table.

"Hi honey, how's your story going?"

"not so great, I can't really think of an ending for it. I should have thought of that before writing this thing. I need to get my creative juices flowing again" He slouched a little in his chair as he finished his sentence.

Her eyes twinkling a litte, Jerrica playfully replied "I don't know about creative, but I know how you can get some other juices flowing."

...10 minutes later...

"OH MY GOD"

"nnnnnh"

"harder! harder!"

"You're! So! Wet!"

"Don't stop, don't you ever stop!"

Suddenly.

"holy sweet mother of god!"

"I know!"

"no, not that"

"what? why are you stopping?"

"I just had the greatest idea ever for my story"

"HEY! Where do you think you're going? You can't leave me here like this!"

Posted by Rayne @ 12/10/2005 10:52 PM EST

Keith, exhausted from the pounding he just gave Jerrica, struggled to find his overchewed pencil.

Jerrica always drained Keith, which was no surprise since she used to be in the hardcore porn biz. He'd heard all the stories about her, including how she used to handle five men and a goat at once on a regular basis. She was legendary.

"Once upon a time..." Keith wrote, "..."

Nothing came, which usually only happens to Keith in bed. This was indeed a strange night for our award-winning author.

Posted by Dave @ 12/11/2005 02:35 PM EST

David Ho was proud of himself for that last part of the story he contributed. As he began to think of other sexual directions in which he could take this tale, he became very aroused.

He began typing out his thoughts with his right hand while he vigorously masturbated himself with his left.

As he was about to ejaculate someone knocked on his door. The unwelcomed interruption of this most private act pushed him over the top and he stained his 23 inch LCD DISPLAY with genetic material.

An uncontrollable fit of laughter seized him then as he thought this was only the sort of thing one read about on the seedier parts of the internet he frequented.

Hearing this laughter, his University of Guelph roomate burst in through the door and was about to ask what was so funny before seeing the scene in front of him.

David had tried to ALT-TAB to a different window to distract the roomate before he burst in, but all he managed was to arrive to his World of Warcraft screen.

All David's roomate saw was the backside of David's level 60 Orc Warrior and white globs streaming down the screen.

He understood at once what was happening and closed the door behind him as he approached Dave and put a hand on his shoulder.

Posted by Rayne @ 12/11/2005 10:53 PM EST

At that exact moment, the camera man and ashton kutcher jumped out from the closet! David's roomate had been punked, and his homosexual approach had been caught on film!

It was indeed perfectly set up, and David was pleased. Everything was going according to plan, especially part B -- occuring roughly four hours away, in the great city of Ottawa...

Thai Long was sitting at his desk at work, doing what he did best -- sitting and trying to look busy.

As he counted the hours until he could be free, he suddenly realized he had quite the woody and was rather pleased with himself.

"I suppose Long Jr. wants to come out early today" Thai smirkingly thought to himself.

With more than three hours left to kill, Thai decided he'd go masterbate in the washroom.

As he made his way there, he came across the new intern from montreal.

She was blonde, dumb as a whistle, and extremely sexy. She was also french, which the thought of alone was just about enough to make Thai blow his load in his new work-pants right there and then.

Elizabeth, or Elize as she preferred to be called, had been a key member of Thai's recent self-pleasuring sexcapades. Seeing her in the flesh REALLY made him want to go to the washroom now.

As he walked past her, trying his best to conseal his erection, she grabbed his leg and stopped him.

"Where are you going so fast, monsieur long?" asked Elize with a wink and smile.

At least one-quarter of Thai Long's man-juice exploded out of his urethra at this point. Good thing his new pants were the stainless types, as he wasn't wearing any underwear. The bad news was that the material worked by NOT absorbing liquids. Ugh.

So there stood Thai, trying his best to flirt with Elize, as his semen slid from his crotch down his leg and all over the inside of his pants.

Elize, still holding on to Thai's leg, realized there was a look of urgency on his face... and decided to leave him alone today as he -probably- had something important to do.

Thai quickly made his way to the washroom and locked the door.

Without a second to spare, he took out Long jr. and began masterbating ferociously.

"S-she touched my leg...touched.......my leg.." was the only thing running through Thai's mind.

As he was about to let loose his juices, dAN the janitor unlocked the door.

"Who the HELL keeps locking this doo- OH MY GOD!" dAN exclaimed.

In the spur of the moment, Thai Long turned around towards the door. However, it was too late and he was passed the final stages of this usually very private act.

In that instant, Thai Long came and a fury of sensation took over his entire body. dAN the janitor was definitely in the wrong spot and at the wrong time.

A massive stream of hot semen came blasting upwards and into dAN's face. Thai Long, still trapped in a utopia of sexual climax, kept stroking Long Jr. and more and more hot sticky substance (from what seemed like an endless supply) kept blasting poor dAN.

Thai Long slowly realized what had just occured. dAN was speechless, and absolutely disgusted.

No words could come out of Thai's mouth, he was just as shocked as dAN.

At that point, a camera man and his crew burst out of the stalls and yelled "PUNKED!".

Yes! This had all been caught on tape, and would soon be the ultimate bargaining tool at David's disposal!

Thai Long instantly realized what was going on, and dropped to his knees.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!one one one" screamed Thai Long.

Posted by Dave @ 12/12/2005 04:28 AM EST

4:30AM Eastern time!:...and so, there Dave sat within the mental ward, conjuring up disturbing homosexual fantasies about dAN and Thai. Surrounded by nothing but white walls and prisoner of his straight jacket, his mind continued to deteriorate more and more with each passing day. His delusions grew at an uncontrollable rate. But all was well in the outside world, as Dave could no longer infect society with his disgusting thoughts...

Posted by dAN @ 12/12/2005 04:55 PM EST

"We're good to go, start the operation immediately!" shouted Mirvana as her helicopter flew above Gotham Asylum.

"This is crazy! There's no way we'll be able to break him out..." screamed Johnathan, one of five special ops under Mirvana's command.

"Sometimes, you just gotta believe... and other times, you just got to have m@d sk1llz" replied Mirvana, clearly speaking of herself.

"You know... there's a high chance... the Bat will be out here tonight..." whispered Eko.

"Don't worry about him, IF he comes, stick to the plan..." replied Mirvana as she cocked her plasma rifle.

"I'll take care of Bruce.." Mirvana thought to herself.

Countdown to David's breakout : 25:00:00.

Posted by Dave @ 12/12/2005 06:15 PM EST

Sadly nothing came of this breakout attempt, but everyone else lived happily ever after.

THE END

Posted by Mike @ 12/12/2005 09:28 PM EST

Woah, you totally ruined Rayne's chance to write a really slick batman part to the story dude.. :/

/spit

Posted by Dave @ 12/13/2005 01:16 AM EST

more like I totally saved my sanity. Go back to WoW.

Posted by Mike @ 12/13/2005 11:48 AM EST

If you had more willpower you'd have just not clicked the comments link and could have ignored the story altogether.

You're one of those party-pooper types at parties arent you? :)

"Awww it's late guys.. cmon, jeez... I wanna go home already jeeeeeezzzz"

And yes. Yes I will be going back to WoW.

Thread over!

Posted by Dave @ 12/13/2005 01:01 PM EST

No I'm just one of those guys that got laid off from his job and has too much time on his hands. Then he ends up reading too much on the internet and gets annoyed easily :p

Posted by Mike @ 12/13/2005 06:50 PM EST

After Mike had said "No I'm just one of those guys that got laid off from his job and has too much time on his hands. Then he ends up reading too much on the internet and gets annoyed easily :p" Jimmy Interupted.
"Sir, I thought this story was suppose to be about batman"

"Oh shit, you're right... haha, sorry.... now where was I?"

Posted by Zathura @ 12/13/2005 11:13 PM EST

Touché

Posted by Mike @ 12/14/2005 02:13 AM EST

And so, Rayne sat quietly in his office crying silently into his hands; he is shocked and appalled at the terrible outcome of his little expirment. How a simple story turned into homoerotic fiction is a mystery that he will never wish to solve.

Posted by Rayne @ 12/14/2005 10:32 PM EST

Believe you me, I am wondering the same thing!

Posted by Gosia @ 12/15/2005 07:41 PM EST

*Zub Zub*

Posted by dAN @ 12/16/2005 12:49 AM EST

nbabasketballtickets.org

Posted by NBA Tickets @ 02/14/2006 01:20 PM EST